Indimellem orker man som voksen ikke mere – kan ikke være rummelig, forstående og kærlig – og det er børn i stand til at navigere rundt i. Det er ikke noget problem. Få ikke dårlig samvittighed, når du ikke altid gør alt det gode, du gerne vil – være forstående overfor dig selv, og husk på, at vi alle gør det så godt vi kan – inkl. dig selv.
Når jeg i går skrev om betydningen af, at vi ikke slår hårdt ned på ‘urostiftende’ børn, så var det ikke en løftet pegefinger i forhold til de gange, hvor vi af afmagt kommer til at sætte grænsen hårdt, for hårdt. Det var mere rettet mod vores holdning end vores handling. Vores holdninger styrer vores handlinger, og hvis vi går rundt og mener, at når barnet fx overskrider vores grænser, så er det bedst for alle at droppe forståelse og tålmodighed, fordi meget adfærd er ikke acceptabel, og hvis ikke vi lærer børnene det, så vil andre være nødsaget til det.
En sådan holdning er meget normal, meget meningsfuld, men ikke særlig konstruktiv. Den skaber nemlig ikke grobund for virkelige erkendelser hos børnene af, hvordan det er bedst at opføre sig – og den bidrager ikke til den forståelse og tolerance, som vi ønsker, at de skal møde andre med.
Mit budskab er, at det ALTID kan svare sig at bestræbe sig på at være kærlig og forstående – at det så ikke altid lykkes, er en anden sag. Vi er mennesker, der lever i en ofte krævende hverdag uden den fornødne ro og tid til os selv – og det gør os korte for hovedet, mindsker vores indlevelsesevne og evne til nærvær. Og det er helt okay – det tager børnene ikke skade af. Men hvis vi har den holdning, at der er noget, der er bedre, så bliver det fx også helt naturligt at sige undskyld til børnene, hvilket man ikke gør, hvis man synes, man er i sin gode ret til at være hård og utålmodig.
Jeg skriver for at give dig, der er forælder, inspiration og redskaber til at få mere glæde og overskud i hverdagen. Så du lettere får øje på alt det fine, dit barn rummer.
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